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Lightworker or Energy Vampire?

If you're reading this post or feeling called to my work, it's a possibility that you are in the process of unveiling your truth. It's a hell of a ride and journey to be on, but any self-development practice and experience is awakening you to deeper presence and meaning in your life.

Perhaps people out there throw shade in your direction because you're transforming right before their eyes. Revealing the unique person you are can be liberating and uncomfortable all at the same time. In my world, the biggest misconception of being spiritual is that you have to be Zen 24/7. From my personal experience, that's the furthest from the truth.

It's a spiritual practice to be a witness to your emotions, behaviors, and triggers. To understand where they come from, to heal, transform and align them with your authentic self. Therefore there will be growing pains, slip-ups, and patterning you may revert to. The biggest thing to remember is that you can learn to overcome these patterns by becoming aware of them, which leads to the transformation. It's easier said than done, I know from experience.

If you’ve seen How I Met Your Mother, then the term Revirtigo will ring a bell.. Either way, the most significant challenges I've faced are the situations where I've reverted to an old version of myself, who I thought got put to rest.

Recently I was at a gathering where there were a mixture of individuals who I have been around me at various times in my life. I was trying to see where I fit in or felt comfortable, however, I had never been in this situation, where everyone knew me at different stages of my life. This triggered me to act in an old, nervous manner. I was acting like the unaware Natalie, who hadn't worked through any unhealthy behaviors, and my goodness, it was maddening and disheartening. I knew I made things uncomfortable for certain people and revealed a part of me that I didn't want others to see. At the time, I didn't ground myself before entering the room. I was completely unaware of how identified I was with the energy of the space and the people in it.

If I had taken the time to pause, feel the differences in the room, and the people in it, I could've potentially gone home in lighter spirits. However, I went home with a heavy feeling knowing there was still a part of me that hadn't integrated what I've learned up to that point.

My spiritual guides revealed a lot to me in the days after this situation. I learned some of my behaviors are because I've mirrored someone else's energy. My spiritual guides explained how I need to understand the difference between the room's energy, those in the room, and my energy. I now know the meaning behind Bruce Lee's wisdom, "You must be shapeless, formless, like water [...] When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup[...] Be water." The way I interpret that quote is to feel into the energies, and the situations you find yourself in. Take a moment to calm yourself, be formless and align with the energies that are most authentically you. Otherwise you can find yourself slipping into unconscious behaviors, mimicking another’s internal state, negating who you know yourself to be, like I did.

Now, have you heard of the term energy vampire? In the spiritual community, an energy vampire is an individual who sucks the life out of the room, or out of you. If you have this understanding, I encourage you to open your mind to a new thought about energy vampires. Consider that there are two breeds of "energy vampires."

Therefore, could you be a lightworking vampire? Perhaps someone who's sucking the dark out of people, lightening their load, and trying to transmute their density? Is there a thought in your consciousness that one day you can say, "I helped transmute the human collective?"

Keep in mind, as individuals we have an important role in our personal existence. Every choice we make, thought we have, action we take has a ripple effect. If we want to live harmoniously and coexist with others peacefully, we must recognize we have to bring that harmony and peace inwardly. We do this by recognizing triggers, unhealthy behaviors and mental and emotional programming.

Bottom line is, rather than trying to help others directly, help them indirectly. When we feel lighter in our energy, it creates a sense of safety and stability for others to DO THEIR WORK. Anytime you are in someone else's energy, there's a possibility for stunting their growth, thus perpetuating the heaviness on earth. Become aware when you're around someone who "leaves you depleted." Ask yourself, how did you give them the power? Did you allow yourself to take away the density, which only dampened your light? Remember, you could continue vibrating at a high frequency and remain in alignment to exemplify wholeness, once you step away from the direct influence and be the strength that gives them the space to release.

As an empath, this is challenging, I can empathize. In reality, they have to do their own work one day. If you continuously attempt to "fix" them, could you get in the way of their karmic lessons? So how does this help them, other than delay the inevitable?

Consider staying in your energy and away from becoming a martyr. That can help heal the collective consciousness, which we lightworkers are here to do anyway. The unaware empath wants to fix, advize without being asked, and force their agenda onto others. Be the aware empath and lightworker who remains in your energy, patiently waiting for your wisdom to get called on.

Buddha said it beautifully, "If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down." Consider what could be weighing you down. Then ask yourself, is this my business, or God’s business, do I trust in the universe's intelligence to handle it?

Love and light to you all

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